Interesting article CULLED from a
popular blog….Enjoy
Last week, I got a call from an
ex — a man I truly believed I'd one day see in a tux smiling at me from the end
of a church aisle. He's been dating the same girl since we broke up two years
ago, and the crushing words that came out of his mouth were ones I had secretly
prayed I'd never hear: "Shade," he said, "I'm going to marry
her." I promptly burst into tears. See, this isn't the first time I've
been the girlfriend before the girlfriend who becomes the wife....continue
It has happened — you're not
going to believe this — seven times (and I'm only 28)! It's like I'm prepping
guys for marriage to someone else. I guess you could consider a girl like me a
husband fluffer — you know how in romantic movies, there's a crew member called
the fluffer whose job is to get the actor, um, ready for his scene?
In my case, I put in lots of hard
work, and then someone else steps in right before the money shot...I mean, the
wedding scene. Ha. The details vary, but the basic scenario is the same: Boy
meets me. Boy and I fall in love. Boy and I break up. Boy marries next girl.
Take Jude, my first boyfriend after college. I was convinced he was The One,
but two years in, I realized I'd never lived on my own as a single chick.
Shouldn't you do that before you get married? So we took a little break. He
started dating another girl... and now they're engaged.
Then there was Mide. Oh, Mide.
Like Jude, he was an older guy, charming, successful, and handsome. I was madly
in love with him. I thought, With a guy like this, you gotta play a little hard
to get. But I missed the signs that he was playing a more grown-up game. He
left me for a model (ouch!), whom he's now marrying.
Given these stories, I asked myself what I had
done to drive these men into the arms of other women. Had I sparked their
desire for a wife? Or made them want out of the dating game for good? I posed
those questions to my therapist. "You thought you wanted to marry these
guys, right?" she asked. Right. "So you made them work through their
issues and got them ready for marriage." Right. "But were you
ready?"
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