A very interesting article I culled from PUNCH today. It was
written by Chukwuneta Oby. Enjoy it after this cut…
He complained about his wife’s new found love for Black Berry
chats. He also claimed that his wife (of twenty years) indulges in such chats
more than she talks to him. He alleged that his ‘findings’ showed that she was
getting cozy with another man via such chats.
I asked him, “Are you still a husband (a provider, protector,
the head etc.) to that woman?’’ I had to ascertain who is marrying who, much as
I believe that a ‘married’ woman should carry herself in a manner that respects
that status and the man in her life. You don’t cross certain boundaries as a
married person…especially with the opposite sex!
I also feel it’s very insensitive of any man/woman to make the
spouse feel neglected in such a careless manner. However, there is a need for
couples to always evaluate their relationship. Do you still find time to talk
and do things together?
Marital boredom pushes most women into what this man’s wife is
doing – encouraging another man. It should be disturbing when your spouse chats
to another man/woman more than he/she bothers with you. Infidelity is not only
when there is a physical intimacy; emotional intimacy (to another man/woman) is
even riskier.
Sometimes people don’t know what they push their spouses into.
You are done with ‘baby making’ and the sexual tempo has probably dropped, what
efforts do you people make to keep the flame of your relationship burning? Go
into yourself and evaluate your roles (so far) in that marriage. Do you do all
that a husband/wife should do for/to his/her spouse? Are you even aware that
marriage needs a daily dose of ‘spicing up’? And that such efforts should be
deliberate ‘everyday gestures?’
Don’t just focus on stopping your spouse from chatting to
another man/woman; if you succeed in that, you have not necessarily succeeded
in taking the other man/woman out of the picture. You don’t go out with
him/her; there are travels, phone communication and social media. Focus on
‘finding your woman/man’ again. Court her again, awaken your sex life, get into
shape and improve on your looks/dress sense. Some men (that believe it’s only
the woman that should make efforts to stay in shape) let themselves go easily,
growing pot belly and paying no attention to their overall looks/hygiene. If
you are out of shape, diet and hit the gym. It’s also for your own good (health
wise) and self-esteem. There are subtle things one can do to make him/herself
desirable to the spouse. You can even suggest he/she joins you in your daily
walk/gym session. Begin to do stuffs together again. Play games together, go
for movies, sometimes eat out, and sometimes accompany her to the salon
/shopping while she accompanies you to the mechanic/barbing salon. Plan your
weekends around yourselves and your family.
With time, every ‘distraction’ begins to fizzle out. Every
married person goes through this state (lethargy) at some point but the
disciplined ones don’t encourage certain distractions. They find ways to
channel their energies positively. If your spouse seems vulnerable to the wiles
of the opposite sex, help your spouse to help him/herself. Stop playing
detective.
Let your spouse understand that you would prefer
he/she puts a stop to such coziness with the other man/woman but do not bank on
it. Rather, consciously refocus the tempo of your marriage. You will even feel
good in the process. There is a certain good feeling that comes on one when you
make efforts to take good care of yourself (health and hygiene wise)…even your
spouse will be forced to sit up-because he/she will be wondering what ‘the
change’ is all about!Credit: PUNCH
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