My hand began to tremble
involuntarily and I cursed myself.
How could a human being I hadn’t
seen in how long have this terrible effect on me?
My eyes were glued to the phone
as it rang out.
The caller ID had no name; it was
just his number which Ronke had deleted when she realized I couldn’t bring
myself to do it....
I didn’t need to tell her that I
had the number carved into my brain, that even if she deleted it a million
times, I wouldn’t forget the double twos and the zeros at the end of his number
that reminded me of the emptiness I felt when he left me.
I hadn’t re-saved his number, but
I hadn’t forgotten it either. It was easier deleting it from my phone than my
memory.
Since when have memories been
easy to let go off anyway?
I let it ring, not making a move
to pick it. What could I possibly say? Why did you leave me at the altar? Why
haven’t you called in two years?
The second time the phone began
to ring, I almost flung it away.
A part of me wanted to pick it
and listen to him, maybe he finally wanted to apologize for the cruel thing he
did to me. That part of me also wanted closure, I wanted to hear him tell me
why.
But another part of me was
afraid, afraid of what would happen if I heard his voice again. If I opened a
door that I had shut only recently.
“Babe, what’s up with you na?”
I had forgotten Ronke was in my
room, reading.
Quickly I snatched up the phone
and silenced it.
“One of your toasters abi?” she
asked.
“Erm…strange number.” I glanced
at the phone in my hand. It had stopped ringing.
“Just pick now, it might be
business. Besides Shebi you’re planning a party? It might be your party
planner.” she chuckled as she spoke.
My laughter sounded forced even
in my ears, a bid to run away from the reality that faced me.
By the time the phone began to
ring a third time, I knew I couldn’t escape the inevitable any longer.
My hand was still trembling as I
pressed the green button.
“Hello, Kay-Kay?”
My voice froze in my throat. He
was the only one who called me that and since he left, I hadn’t heard it.
Hearing it now was opening a dam
in me that I had managed to shut only a short while ago.
“Kay-Kay? You there?” his voice
didn’t sound different. It was still that deep baritone that sent signals to my
brain when we first met.
“Babe, you okay? Aren’t you
supposed to be on the phone?” even though Ronke was in the same room with me,
her voice sounded like it was coming from a faraway tunnel.
I couldn’t move nor speak. I held
the phone to my ears listening to him say ‘Kay-Kay’ all over again.
“Kehinde?” Ronke, again.
I let the phone fall from my hand
and clatter to the desk.
“It’s him. Austin.” I finally
spoke.
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