Most of us assume (wrongly) that
those with ‘baggage’ are certain category (divorcees, widowed, single parents
etc) of individuals. Truth is…, there is not a single soul who does not have
some sort of baggage in life. Here is a new way to understand the ‘baggage’
issue…
A young person going into a
relationship is doing so with a ‘baggage of inexperience’ and whoever that is
saddled with such a person will have to deal with the baggage (of
inexperience). If both persons in a relationship are inexperienced-both will
have to deal with each other’s baggage and either swim or sink together.
Someone who has been emotionally
bruised and now in another relationship is grappling with a ‘baggage of
emotional damage.’ And the partners(if experienced) could find him/herself
playing the roles of a pyschotherapist, a friend and that of a lover.
Someone that fails to get married
at a certain stage in life and eventually does so at a later stage in life is
also grappling with a ‘baggage of age’…as so many factors(e.g reproduction)
could be hinged on how young he/she is.
A man who has played the field
(sowing wild oats ) and eventually chooses to settle down could be dealing with
the ‘baggage of a wild past’…especially when it all comes home to roost and his
partner is left wondering how many more ‘love kids’ will walk through the door
when she thinks she’s heard the last of her husband’s labour.
A young man that is saddled with
family(parents and siblings) responsibilities is dealing with a ‘baggage of
economic responsibility’ and…may God help him with a mate who is understanding
and patient enough to accept the fact that they will keep ‘sharing’ for a
while.
A young lady that has done
married men (who have always offered her easy life) and suddenly finds herself
in a committed relationship is already saddled with the ‘baggage of undue
expectations.’ The men she was doing in the past only offered her a life of comfort
while she offered them pleasure, so not much was expected from her and whatever
ill attitude she exhibited or managed to conceal (we are good at concealing our
flaws when it comes to ‘no strings attached’ affairs) was conveniently
overlooked but hard reality will come knocking the moment she settles into
marital life. It will be a challenge for such a lady to understand the
difference between the kind of life that she was used to and the life that
marriage (reality) will force on her. This is often the reason why a lot of
young people are shell shocked at the things that marriage throws at them in
the first few years…it’s all largely due to failed expectations.
One who has managed to be a door
mat to whoever that has come across him/her in life is also grappling with the
‘baggage of low self esteem.’ Such persons just can’t realise they deserve to
be treated better. Dare to treat them differently and they begin to read
meanings into your gestures.
So also with one who feels the
world starts and ends at his/her feet…those ones are saddled with the ‘baggage
of exaggerated sense of self importance.’ They are incapable of hanging their
ego ‘near enough.’
My point? It is damn narrow to
assign the ‘baggage’ issue to those who have been unfortunate in relationships/marriage.
The most that certain life experiences do is confer ‘some baggage’ on you!
Even some natural flaws are also
a baggage. So, in a bid to understand that ‘someone’ in your life, look into
his/her past or circumstances to actually grasp the baggage they are saddled
with. The ‘fix’ to certain baggage is just understanding…which breeds patience.
Credit: PUNCH
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