I have always aspired to drop an
article of this kind to disabuse the minds of some young ladies who think going
after married men is the ultimate. Frankly speaking, the rate young and as well
beautiful ladies ‘flock around’ married men these days gives me goose pimples. Co’mon,
you have better things to do with your life rather than waste your time with
somebody’s husband…who does that?
In the write-up below… prolific writer
Chukwuneta Oby, captured my thoughts on some of the silly mistakes ladies took
themselves into in the guise of marriage; worst still with married men or if
you like erstwhile baby papas.
Read it after the cut…
That man you are living with, has
he married you properly? Can you be recognised as his wife in the eyes of the
law? If he was married, is he officially divorced?
The rate at which I receive the
‘he wants to push me out of our home’ complaints has become alarming. As some
ladies rush into marriage, a lot of them forget to take their heads with them.
A man is separated from his wife and you are goading him into marriage.
Separation is different from divorce!
Ensure he is properly disengaged
from his first missionary journey before you get involved. Otherwise you don’t
stand a chance should his first woman come back.
My point is there are a few
things that give you ‘rights’ in a marriage and a man would be unreasonable to
attempt ‘pushing you out’ with those in place. One of such is when he has
performed full marriage rites on you, your people know him, his people know
you, and the church/mosque and law also recognise your union. Just so you know
that talking marriage on the social media with someone you have not made
efforts to find out where his village is, is nothing. He tells you he is
divorced, have you seen the legal evidence of that? So much you can do to insulate
yourself, in this era of ‘social media’ marriages.
Another thing is finding your
feet economically. Gone are those days when a woman folds arms and legs for a
man to be giving her. Except for some men whose ‘family welfare’ will always
come first, an unreasonable man is capable of letting any distraction tilt the
balance in his family life and you dare not complain, unless you want to be
‘pushed’ out. Don’t forget he who pays the piper dictates the tune in this
environment. Once you take your economic destiny in your own hands, you won’t
let yourself be ‘pushed out’ when someone wakes up from the wrong side of the
bed. When someone realises that he can’t hurt you by his unreasonableness, he
learns to talk things over and not go the ‘push out’ route.
Even if you are not the
breadwinner in that union, it doesn’t hurt to work out your economic salvation,
just so you can always have a nest to sort yourself out with, should a centre
decide not to hold anymore. Not that anybody prays for a centre of a marriage
to implode but the days are uncertain. So much is wrong with the marital
institution and it seems people are getting more unreasonable by the day.
Frankly, there is nothing wrong with choosing not to leave your fate in
anybody’s hands. Abroad, the ‘wealthy’ draw up pre-nuptial agreement, not
because they do not love each other enough but because they recognise that
sometimes in marriage, ‘the way we started may not be the way we will end’ and
there are usually ‘surprises’.
A man, that you are properly married
to (and even have kids for) can’t be threatening to push you out that easily.
That is your home too. With every passing year that witnesses your
togetherness, your roots in that home should also deepen. Someone you have
given a good number of your years to, should not just wake up one day and
decide he wants to push you out and you oblige. Sit back in that house (unless
your life is threatened). However, he is free to leave-if he wants to. That is
what real men do…they leave (when the centre can no longer hold). Real men
don’t ‘push out’ women because they can; and certainly not the mother of their
children!
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